


won't lead you astray.

by azande



Category: Bandom, EXO (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, Freeform, Graduate School, Graduate Students, M/M, TA's, Topical Order of Events, minor mention of past abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 01:32:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13513968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azande/pseuds/azande
Summary: "A few more hours till our birthday.""Yeah." Kyungsoo looks at the clock behind the bar above liquor bottles and expensive wine glasses."How should we celebrate?"Kyungsoo tilts his head as if he were to say he wouldn't know, instead, he says, "however we want."





	won't lead you astray.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eviepenny](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eviepenny/gifts).



> i know right?  
> unbeta'd and stuff. please enjoy.  
> Thank you eviepenny for the prompt and loving these two capricorns A LOT.

_To be a just or an unjust man..." Dr. Guiyana begins, "is to ask a fish to step out of_ water _."_

_A groan comes from the back of the room loud and exhausting._

_"Not this shit again."_

_Zayn throws back his head and closes his eyes, "I wish he'd quit it already."_

_Kyungsoo pops the cap of his pen and scribbles something down on to his paper, furiously. "I'd wish you shut the fuck up," he grumbles a little too loud. He forgets where he is._

Hesbrugh _Library Class 276. Special Seminar by Editor and English Department President Dr. Manuel Guiyana Ph.D._

 _Twenty_ pair _of eyes stare at him, two of those pairs belong to his adviser and the professor he TA's for._

 _Offended is a benign term to say in this situation. Dr. Guiyana parts his lips as if all_ fourty _-two accolades and recognition and thirty-three odd years of establishing his expansive repertoire sit at the tip of his tongue, waiting rabidly for someone to interrupt one of his seminars; someone just like this. He takes off his glasses and walks closer to Kyungsoo's section up on the mantel of desks._

_"Something displeases you, Mr. Do?" The tone is quite contradictory to the look on his face. Kyungsoo doesn't know whether to run or apologize._

_He's an idiot, of course. "No, no, I was just..." He can feel one more set of eyes, taunting him silently. "I felt that... I was just talking to myself." He opts for lunacy and hopes it's believable enough, "like an unjust man."_

_Dr. Guiyana narrows his eyes and walks back down to the front of the class. "Like an unjust man, as Mr. Do is referring to and bravely illustrated, has no clear conscious or thoughts."_

_Kyungsoo hears the laughter of the other students and the unsaid warning his adviser permits into the air. Yet, one thing is clear in his mind- he will never forgive Zayn Malik._

____________

 

It's during some literacy summit that Zayn decides to change his mind.

  
Kyungsoo is not only small but eerily stealthy for a guy who should stand out more than most. But that was him, wasn't it? Always shrouded in an unbothered cloak that pest controlled all outside forces in making unnecessary conversations with him or to talk down to him when he did let someone in his circle. Zayn had always hated that he liked that about him.  
He was unfuckable.  
To a point.

  
He marinates over his thoughts as he drinks a whiskey and coke at the hotel bar and watches Kyungsoo do the exact opposite. The convention had finished hours ago, and after his own interviews and frank but important networking with other writers, publishers, and agents he thought to alleviate his concerns about his life was to people watch and get buzzed.  
You see, Zayn was always a simple man.  
Not complicated or moody like Kyungsoo.  
Not like him - he says in his mind. Not like him.

And he wasn't. After postgrad, the two of them scratched and puddled each other into a silent oblivion forgetting that the other existed. It wasn't like he didn't spend three and a half years every day with the guy correcting papers, dealing with undergrads, levitating teaching plans from ungrateful professors, parading through the uncertainty of grad school or the uncertainty of life.  
And sometimes they fucked, first when they were drunk and then when they weren't. And sometimes they kissed like how people do in those sad romance novels as if the world was ending, or it was quick and forgettable, or when Kyungsoo was crying- he did that sometimes in the dark or in his sleep. Zayn almost never asked why.

And then Kyungsoo finished writing his first novel, got it published and waited only a month before it was a worldwide sensation. All the years dwindled down to that day where Kyungsoo showed him a retweet of some famous author raving about his good book that Zayn at first didn't know much about because Kyungsoo was an ass like that and liked keeping him in the dark about most things in his life.  
It wasn't long before the half of Kyungsoo Zayn had established as his own (no matter how minor) didn't belong to him anymore.  
Some of it was his fault, he knows.

He crushes the ice in his jaw like forceps as he watches Kyungsoo and another man walk aside in the lounge smiling in their private conversation. He recognizes the man as some A-List publisher that has most if not all writers in the New York vicinity ready to get dick downed by his approval or disapproval- any work that touched his hands was said to be gold or something close to it. He was the multi-millionaire behind the words half-witted writers begged and dreamed of working with. Their works usually became movies- which in this day and age seemed to be a writers goal. Oscars, Emmys, Critic Choice Awards were more favored than the Pulitzer Prize-- that in itself didn't put Jennifer Lawerence in your book-to on-screen movies taking your work and watering it down in a musty writers room.

Nonetheless, Kyungsoo seemed to be working his way to the top. The publisher rests a hand on his shoulder, and if it was the Kyungsoo he knew three years ago a glare and a very accented "fuck off" was sure to follow, but it didn't happen. Zayn turned his head away from them as they walked further from his line of vision. He orders another drink.

  
"Buried in your justified thoughts?" Kyungsoo comes up to the bar and sits on the stool closest to Zayn. The bartender approaches and he orders a vodka soda. Zayn raises his lax body from the bar and faces Kyungsoo with a dozed expression, he thought Kyungsoo left ages ago.

His face softens to something that looks mildly annoyed, "you still think I'm that pristine?"

"More than most."

Zayn scoffs, "not too late to turn to fame and money -sex and drugs and alla' that yeah?"

He can see a smile is fighting its way to break from Kyungsoo's lips but it doesn't appear.  
"You're not like that." Is all Kyungsoo says, he holds the icy drink in his hand but doesn't take a sip.

"That so?" Zayn doesn't expect an answer, he's chewing on ice now anyway and trying to remember which pocket his wallet is in.

"Yes." Kyungsoo insists in that silent manner of his, "I saw three agents from M and J and even Alistair try to reel you in but you didn't even budge. Self-publishing isn't your forte Zayn."

"You're pissin' right?" Zayn laughs and puts the glass down with a loud thud.

"You won the Robert J. Dou award like seven times already it's easy to tell when you're getting complacent."

"Now you're acting like you know me." He rolls his eyes. Yet there's silence, Kyungsoo is still staring at his drink till all the fizz from the soda goes flat. Zayn doesn't want to fight, heck he doesn't even want to care but his hands start to clam up even though he wants to break away from this mood Kyungsoo brought over with him.Sunken shoulders, empty stares, broken past.  
It doesn' seem like he's changed.

It really wasn't his business to care it's been four years already that Zayn had to unlearn and unwrite all of Kyungsoo's words that seeped into his skin. he was doing good now, in the fall he'd be Professor Malik upstate and he'd forget the four years of his life that were missing-erased.

His tongue feels heavy, "Nine times", Zayn says, Kyungsoo looks over at him with confusion. "I won the Dou Award nine times."

Kyungsoo nods his head for a moment and laughs.  
Zayn does too.

___________

 

  
Kyungsoo had been listening as if Zayn was talking to him for the first time. And he remembers the first time he heard Zayn talk because he could barely understand a damn word he was saying.

Not even because of his accent, the dude always stayed at a super silent level of talking as if he was blowing through a dog whistle. But he moved his hands and thick eyebrows while he did it so Kyungsoo thought it was kind of cute.Like he needed to prove a point. To a dog.

And when he was heard, Kyungsoo suddenly found himself paying for it. As TA's there was a moment of rivalry that brewed up between them out of thin air for some reason which caused a lot of upset throughout the department. But Zayn, despite his volume was great at talking, so extraordinary he could talk his way out of most things, and even though he thought it was duty-free, Kyungsoo was always the one to pick up the slack. Yet, he never uttered a word of it, he just funneled his anger into making Zayn pay in little ways that just added into bigger and reckless things and then he was at his apartment at three AM whining his hips and grinding down on three long wet fingers.

 _"You still hate me now?" Zayn was breathing down his neck, working him open, pulling all his frustrations out in one excruciating line of hitched moans and eager sighs. All Kyungsoo could do was sling his leg around his hips and take it. Kyungsoo finally nodded his head out of bitterness, Zayn smiled on top of him, his eyes were truly as seductive as honey- beautiful, godly made and sweet as the grey-blue light of the morning that peeled through the curtains of his living room. "Okay." He breathed through a clenched jaw. He lined himself up once than twice slick and heavy until he was inside of Kyungsoo with a stroke so slow it had him wailing._  
_Kyungsoo would never forget Zayn's voice than when he said: "I hope you forgive me."_

And he doesn't know if he has now, maybe. It's been so long after all. And with Kyungsoo's busy schedule and life, it seems ridiculous to hold on to it. They were both assholes to each other and never really communicated all that well, or maybe too well. Depending on where you stood.

"Your first book was good," Zayn says idly he's drinking a club soda now and Kyungsoo finally started on the one in his hand.  
"Except for all those antecedents Minhyuk kept giving- it felt a little too preachy like he always had something to say.It kept from continuing the story."

Kyungsoo turns to him and glares, okay maybe he won't forgive him.  
The thing about Zayn that no one seemed to notice or if they did they'd undoubtedly ignore was that he could be a real pain in the ass. Backhanded compliments and arrogance wrapped around a mind that always thought that he was right. When his deviant ways weren't spotlighted on him, Kyungsoo hated that he liked it too.

This wasn't one of those times.

"That was his purpose. He never took real responsibility for anything, he thought he could always get by through his stories and charm." Kyungsoo explains, his voice deep and uninterested, "I mean I'm surprised he didn't remind you of someone."

The edge in his voice doesn't go unnoticed, Zayn sucks his teeth and huffs, "no I wasn't aware I inspired one of your characters in your book, I'm flattered."

"You shouldn't be."

Kyungsoo watches him laugh again genuinely, tongue slightly sticking out between his teeth eyes, crinkled and saccharine with a little bit more time.  
"You still laugh like an old man." Kyungsoo looks him over in the amber light of the bar, they were still in their late twenties but it felt like it had been ten years instead of four. It felt like the stranger in front of him was starting to look like everything he remembered and nothing he knew.

"You still act like one" Zayn retorted, he looked over at his watch for a moment before falling silent.

Kyungsoo did the same, it was almost midnight and he should have been home hours ago sleeping well into the next day so he could sleep through that too. He wouldn't have to submit himself to the old pages of his favorite book, the one he subsequently one day forgot about.  
The one who still looks beautiful with age.

"A few more hours till our birthday."  
"Yeah." Kyungsoo looks at the clock behind the bar above liquor bottles and expensive wine glasses.  
"How should we celebrate?"  
Kyungsoo tilts his head as if he were to say he wouldn't know, instead, he says, "however we want."

____________

  
_"Mr. Do I hope you can understand." Dr. Guiyana sits at his desk, thick fingers folded brows furrowed in that way where people aren't going to change their minds, Kyungsoo knows the look all too well._

 _"Since the university is cutting down on our department, I'm only permitted one TA. But if you need anything, letter of recommendation an email anything..."_  
_"No, I get it." Kyungsoo finally looks up at Dr. Guiyana he doesn't smile but he tries to look as empty as if he were hearing about the weather. This job wasn't his high set goal, god no but it was enough to keep him busy and give substance to his bank account and a purpose to be around Zayn._

_But none of that seemed to matter now._

_"Will Kostner be leaving too?"_  
_Dr. Guiyana shook his head._  
_"No, I hope yo-"_  
_"I see." Kyungsoo took his time and got up from his chair, thanked Dr. Guiyana for his time and left without another word._

\---------

  
_Zayn was sitting on his welcome mat when he reached his door to his apartment. He looked like he was sitting there for hours. Kyungsoo didn't so much as give him a look._

 _"K. listen..."_  
_Kyungsoo swung his messenger bag from across his chest opened it and fished for his keys._

 _"I didn't know... I-I-I would_ of _never talked to him If I knew. That it was him, that he hurt you... I would of never... I would of never..." he was stuttering after every other word. And the only thing Kyungsoo believed from Zayn at that moment was that he did have a speech impediment as a child. It was showing now._

 _"I saw the texts."_  
_It goes quiet on_ Zayns _end suddenly._  
_"I ain't mean ... any of that." He hears him take a sharp breath, Kyungsoo loops his fingers around the key at the bottom of his bag to open the door._

_"No, you didn't." He almost sounds relieved. "Just the part about how I'm a tough fuck that won't even last the whole semester... I get it Zayn." He puts the key into the lock and twists, "I'm not blaming you Zayn, I get it."_

_And it was the truth, he didn't blame Zayn at all that he was fooled by a predator from his other broken past. That the reason he cried in his sleep_ were _from nightmares he hadn't let go of._

_Yet still, it hurt a little to know you weren't as important as you thought you were and to be reminded of that over and over again. Kyungsoo was stupid to think Zayn cared; he shouldn't have to. They weren't anything to each other besides a headache and misplaced frustration._

_Then again, he lost his job for lashing out and speaking the truth. So it didn't matter they'd be out of each_ others _crosshairs for good. Kyungsoo's avoidance issues had harked on to the thought that nobody would know what happened to him or that Kostner was the reason he transferred from Riverside to NYU. Ten or eleven states away 2,441 miles give or take. And you would still get blamed no matter your gender, no matter your race. He thought Zayn would understand at least a little bit._

 _Besides, what was he expecting? Kyungsoo never told him anyway and they were only messing around and grading papers together_ in _fact, they didn't know each other all too well and that was that._  
_"I'm so sorry" He repeated over and over again, each time his voice would threaten to break. "I just... you don't need to be alone." Zayn reaches out to take his hand and it's colder than he had expected. Kyungsoo digs his fingers into his palm hoping he'd let go._

 _But he didn't. Zayn never really could._  
_Kyungsoo pulls his hand away. It was always a foreign feeling when someone puts themselves_ under _his mercy. Because it was just the thing that came easiest to Kyungsoo._

_But he wouldn't do it this time, in spite of his own weakness, he wouldn't forgive Zayn._

\----------

  
"Do you still feel sorry for me?" Kyungsoo presses himself into the warmth Zayn is giving off. He smells like nothing he remembers and maybe that's a good thing. His chin rests on his shoulder and Zayn can feel him breathing over his pulse, inhaling and exhaling in sync.

"No." He looks out from under the hotel canopy as it rains in a heavy shower. They wait for a taxi to approach. Zayn can feel the way Kyungsoo stiffens against him as if he was lying. He looks at him with a softness he's kept on reserve (whether he acknowledges it or not) for the piece Kyungsoo couldn't forgive and for the one he left behind.

"Do you think I'm hopeless?" Kyungsoo asks into his neck, the grip around his waist tightens, Zayn lifts Kyungsoo's head thumbing his flushed cheek, "No, not really."

A cab ride to Zayns apartment is the quickest place for them to go to to get out of the rain. The ride is silent except for the jazz playing from the radio and the jingle of beads from the taxi drivers rear-view mirror. Zayn is looking out of the window when he feels Kyungsoo prying his hand open, slotting his fingers between the empty spaces-sorry that he had let go all those years ago.  
He kisses the back of Zayns hand, "forgive me?"  
Zayn quietly smiles, as Kyungsoo melts into his embrace, "you have nothing to be sorry for."

"Why?" 

"Because" Zayn is still looking out the taxi window,"you shouldn't live a life where you're holding funerals for the things you never had control of."

___________

  
Zayn leads him into his bedroom he takes off his wool petticoat and does the same with Kyungsoo's. He watches him open up his bedroom window just a bit letting a wet chill slide and wander off to each corner of his room. Zayn steps closer to him wrapping his hands against his hips from behind and Kyungsoo falls for it. He presses against him fully, letting his head fall back as Zayn takes his neck, licking and kissing at the column of skin at the juncture of his jaw and ear. Kyungsoo clenches his hands as Zayn slowly bites into places on his body that he's forgotten about.

It was like his skin was screaming welcome back, welcome home. Zayn juts his hips forward pressing into Kyungsoo's backside. Kyungsoo pushed his hands against the foggy window to keep his balance. He could feel the sopping rain and the ridged air and Zayns breathe, he only needed to turn his head a bit before they kissed. Zayn sucked on Kyungsoo's thick lips his tongue opened him up just enough before diving in.

Through the contrast of sensations from the rain and Zayn taking his mouth, Kyungsoo was getting wet and when his whole body shivered, Zayn got the idea.

He yanked him by the hips, Kyungsoo left fingermarks on the window as he was whisked away.

"From the back?"  
"No front, I want to look at you."  
"Yeah right." Zayn teased. They were on the bed now barely out of their shirts. Kyungsoo was working on unbuttoning the one this idiot still had on. He smiled lazily and pushed the fabric over Zayns shoulders. He had more tattoos than he remembered, way more.

Fingers digging into Zayns skin, he sighed pleasantly as Kyungsoo grazed a nipple then the other, Kyungsoo perched himself with his elbows and Zayn met him halfway. They kissed at a pace that was ungodly, sluggish and half lazy and half needy. It was like exploring each other for the first time except this wasn't. This wasn't like the kiss where the world was going to end in one of those sappy novels, perhaps this world was just beginning.

Zayn pushed him back down and pulled Kyungsoo's turtleneck out of the way. His hand sliding down his body, it was new too, thicker and wider than he remembered. Kyungsoo blushed as Zayn freed him out of his pants, pulling everything to the middle of his thighs. He stared as Kyungsoo's cock twitched from being free and landing heavily on to his stomach. That's when Kyungsoo pushed back, Zayn took off his own shirt as Kyungsoo worked like lightning to peel down the zipper of his pants and push them out of the way.

"Yeah?" Zayn was fully naked as he crawled back on to the mattress.  
"Mmhm." Kyungsoo nodded as he laid back on the bed, waiting for him.

Zayn lifted and pushed Kyungsoo's legs back, "hold." Kyungsoo did as he was commanded, his neck bending on itself to watch what Zayn was going to do. The tongue came in quick chaste licks that had Kyungsoo moaning in frustration. Zayn watched the way Kyungsoo angled himself to spread his cheeks wider apart. He dove right in, kissing and sucking at the rim before the width of his tongue covered long wet stripes against his hole.

He could feel and see him quivering as he ate him out, he pushed the tip of his index finger inside just to tease. Kyungsoo groaned pushing his hips to meet with Zayns mouth. Zayn couldn't resist with the way Kyungsoo was begging for it wordlessly, just panting and moaning needing to grind down on his face.

  
They both fed off the desperation, and now Zayn was fucking him with his tongue. Kyungsoo pounded his hips every time Zayn went in with it, wiggling and opening him up with a heated growl. Kyungsoo started to play with his cock before Zayn warned him to stop.

He whined and pushed Zayn's head back to stop him too, "I can't.. take anymore.. please." Zayn smiled underneath him, moved his tongue from his ass and sucked on to his balls instead.

Kyungsoo wept back into the pillows as Zayn fondled him some more. He grabbed at whatever he could, Kyungsoo felt the slick curls between his fingers and pulled. Zayn had only hummed at the sensation and the pleasure that came was sent from Kyungsoo's balls to the tip of his cock. It almost had him seeing white.

His stomach was wet when Kyungsoo came back, sticky and gleaming with thin lines of cum. His cock was somehow still red with urgency. Zayn was still beneath him working him open with his fingers now.

He didn't know how his body was reacting like this, maybe it was the years without him and as the feeling dawned on Kyungsoo he whimpered recklessly as his stomach fluttered. Zayn rubbed the inside of his thighs with his free hand to soothe him.

"Just a minute K." He pleaded.  
"Now Zayn...I waited too long."

Zayn doesn't ask what he meant if it was this or the four years that seemed like empty time pockets in their lives. He takes the lube this time and coats his own cock, tugging and rolling his wrist at the tip. Zayn leans down and Kyungsoo holds the back of his head as they kiss, his nails pushing in crescent half moons to the muscle of his back.

Zayn slips in with barely any resistance but Kyungsoo pushes him further in with the back of his heel like he intended on swallowing him whole. The grip around his dick is taught and familiar and so fucking warm Zayn moans into Kyungsoo's mouth. Kyungsoo pulls at his nape. "Just stay still for a second."

Kyungsoo needed to get used to the fullness that felt like it would split him in two. He ached as the nerves around his hole seem to tremble and burn inside him.

Zayn caught his slipping legs and wrapped them around his waist, Kyungsoo was thankful, it gave him some time to get his mind functioning so he wouldn't be too overwhelmed. Zayn saw the frown lines begin to form on his face, he pecked kisses to them, forehead and corner of his lips. "Just stay with me Kyungsoo" he sighed, "ready?"

Kyungsoo exhaled softly, staring up at Zayn when he nodded.

The first thrust had Kyungsoo whining like he had been deprived of air. God, he was so loud, and it only fed to Zayns inhibition to work him until he was falling to pieces. He slid out and back in -slid out and back in bottoming out every time with a wet smacking sound. Zayn had Kyungsoo in a vice grip as they started fucking each other properly. Kyungsoo's eyes hazed over with pleasure and avidity as he took every inch of him with praise.

"Right there...right there." Kyungsoo could feel him teasing up and against his prostate. When Zayn lifted his legs and pushed his knees to his ears, he was practically jabbing at his core.

"Look how you love me babe... look." Zayn stared into Kyungsoo's eyes until Kyungsoo just couldn't take it anymore. Crying and pleading for more withering underneath him and all Kyungsoo could confess "I do.. I do... I do."  
This only released something trapped for four years in the both of them.

There was nowhere Kyungsoo could escape to, he tried gripping at Zayns hips but his skin at the folds was slick with sweat. Zayn kept thrusting into him at a rapid pace yet pulling out right when he felt the closest to his orgasm.

It was insane, unjustifiable and too damn fast. He watched Zayn work up a sweat with him, they were shiny with perspiration even with the window open and the rain still settling outside. The heavy smell of sex and musk settling between them. They both couldn't take it anymore. Zayn wrapped a hand around the bulbous tip of Kyungsoo's shiny cock and rolled his wrist like he never forgot how to pull long hot strings of come out of him. Like he never forgot what made him beg.

Zayn only has to push into him grind his hips in tight little circles before Kyungsoo's walls clench around him and he's cumming in a staggered messy pace with no rhythm and no real accuracy. All he knows is Kyungsoo and the fact that he'll never let go of him.

Kyungsoo's vision is still dark around the corners, his lids still doey and drooping -warn out from being ravaged like this. He watches Zayn wringing the last drops of his cum all over his stomach.  
He only has the energy for Zayn's mouth pressed against his for a kiss ending in tired moans and breathless words. Before he knows it Kyungsoo's eyes close shut for a dreamless sleep.

\----------

Hesbrugh _Library. Class 276- Hallway._

 _"_ Kyungsoo. _" Zayn says._  
_"Hmm?" Kyungsoo opens his eyes, he looks out of the window first, watching New Yorks shitty weather get even shittier with the grey clouds blocking his sun. And now this asshole of a guy was speaking to him._

 _"You're Dr. Guiyana's new TA? I'm his other one."_  
_"Yes." He gave the courtesy to finally look at him, he answered plainly so the guy could finish trying to introduce himself already. He looked like any_ post-hipster _down at Bushwick really. Kyungsoo didn't care for the niceties and as he gave--_

 _"Who are you?" Kyungsoo asked._  
_"Zayn."_  
_"I see."_

_As he gave Zayn a once over and a questionable eye to his asymmetrical haircut, he figured this couldn't be the worst person in the world to work with._

_Yet Zayn savored a smug smile that didn't sit well with Kyungsoo like he knew something he didn't._  
_"Just know... some people think imma wank so.. " he smiled crinkling his nose. Kyungsoo glared apathetically, "I'm sure you're not like that." He knew real wanks this wasn't it._  
_Zayn goes on_ ,staring _out the window now as Kyungsoo watched him._  
_"Yeah but_ ,if _I do anything to piss ya off, forgive me yeah?"_

_At the time, Kyungsoo never knew he had every intention to._


End file.
